So, while it’s true that sometimes I can look in a mirror and not gape in disgust, and think, “ok, aside from being too short with boobs & hips too big for my body, maybe i’m not too bad”, I’m not one of those oblivious fat chicks. I don’t wear camisoles with rolls hanging off my arms and back, thinking, “if i wear enough makeup and show off enough tit, maybe no one will notice”. I don’t wear shorts completely ignoring that they’re noticeably, slowly, trying to invade The Regions of Nether between my thick thighs*. I don’t wear those half-sweaters passing for fashion now which, on a fat chick, simply point directly to where people already stare. No, I’m not obvious, throwing my weight around with a big, “I don’t care if it all hangs out – i feel beautiful” grin, and I don’t wear things thinking it’s all concealed and my fatness is hidden well beneath my “curve-friendly” (read: nice & wide at the hips and too loose at the waist) jeans. No, I’m pretty aware and while I do believe my partner when he tells me he likes that I’m “thick” and I take that as a compliment, I can’t tell you how many times I’ll see someone like Beth Ditto or some other “plus-sized model” who’s all proud of their bodies and think, “really? …. really?” – totaly incredulous.

I mean, don’t get me wrong – I don’t think women should want to be so thin they could store pencils between their ribs; I don’t think too thin is in any way more attractive than too fat. I mean, for my small 5′ frame, I’m supposed to weigh about 100 pounds. I can’t take that seriously. Does that simply not include muscle? Or boobs? Or internal organs? I’m not trying to say I don’t think I should lose weight (like I said, I’m not oblivious), but 100 lbs?? Total?

*Oh, and in terms of shorts… I must say, ever since Susan Powter, in her platinum butch swagger, bent over on stage as if giving herself her own gyno exam, exclaimed, “And suddenly I noticed my thighs were no longer touching each other!”, one of my biggest bench marks for, “Yes, this is the weight I should be” has been whether I can wear shorts and not worry about them storming the barricades of my Nethers.