Dieting is frustrating, annoying and inevitable part of being a normal-sized human being. It’s also incredibly funny when you distance yourself enough to look back on nutritional ineptitudes, exercise-inspired spaz attacks, and the weird ways in which we try to trick ourselves.

Ali:
I am a 24-year-old news associate producer who sits at a desk all day writing blogs and reading about grizzly real-life murders. I’m fairly sedentary, although I was once a played college sports. I don’t sleep right, and I’m pretty sure that carbohydrates and cheese were created solely so that I might spend my life trying to eat them in as many, preferably fried, combinations as possible.

In my adult life, I have maxed out at approximately 190 pounds and slimmed down to a modest 155 thanks to an internship that forced me to run up and down fifth ave all day, every day, a determined mindset that kept me from eating every meal as if it were my last, and a tonsillectomy that rendered me unable to eat for two weeks.

I am currently 171 pounds with a BMI of 26, which puts me one point into the “overweight” category. My short term goal is to get that down to a 25 and get back into my GAP size 10s (which I realize are not real 10s but self-esteem-boosting-runs-big-on-everyone-10s). My long term goal is to be Jessia Biel.

I have tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, Nutrisystem, Hoodia, Dexatrim, and I do have a gym membership that I have used approximately 20 times in the last six months.

Ona D.:
I rarely drink alcohol – and I’ve never been drunk. I have never had a cup of coffee, or gotten high – whether with illicit or prescription drugs. But food? Just the thought of it makes me giddy. My mind will focus on something until I get it – and get more. Chocolate, burgers, ice cream, devil dogs, pad thai, chips & salsa or guacamole – my obsessions are varied and not particular. Carbs, fats, proteins – I do them all with the passion. When I’m dieting, I’ll google for healthy recipes and wind up looking at deserts. Once I’m done with lunch, I’m wondering what to do for dinner.

I am just 5′ and weigh roughly 160 but I’ve gone all the way up to 180, putting me way into the overweight, maybe even obese category. But I box 4 times a week about 90 minutes a day, lift weights and could totally kick your ass. No, that doesn’t mean I’m in denial, thinking that my weight is all muscle under a thin layer of flab (ok, I tell myself that when I’m cleaning my second bowl of chicken soup).

I’ve tried Weight Watchers more than once, Dexatrim (when I was a teenager), Spark, counting calories, limiting carbs, doing the low-fat thing, and eating 6 small meals a day a la The Abs Diet. And even when it seems like my body’s getting more toned, my weight doesn’t change, making me think I’m the opposite of an anorexic -I see myself thinner than I am. I’ve recently been tempted by Jenny Craig, MyAlli, and SlimFast but I don’t believe in miracles, and I sure don’t believe miracles come in cardboard boxes or shakes (even if it shows real talent to make shakes that taste like cardboard).

My main motivation is I want to be strong and toned – no desires to be Kate Moss over here. I like my curves – I just wish they made pants that fit them!